Understanding Men

In a recent article I discussed the results of an informal survey of my sample group of guys. The guys were asked to state why they would leave their girlfriends in the first one or two words that popped into their heads. The common theme that came out of their responses was boredom and routine. The excitement had faded and the spontaneity was gone. Why did this happen and could they have done anything about it? I asked this question to our panel of guys to see if they had any wisdom that would enlighten us. Here’s a summary of what they said.

First it’s important to understand that these feelings the guys are having developed over several weeks if not months or years. They didn’t just occur overnight. Guys seemed to feel that there was more excitement early on in the relationship when it was just developing. They remembered the nervous excitement they felt when calling the girl to ask her out. There was still a lot of newness and they were never sure if they were going to get shot down or lifted up. The guys had the challenge of trying to win the girl over; to impress and romance her. Something as simple as her reaction to a different outfit they wore to the more sophisticated fancy dinner and dancing gala event. This was the hunt. This is what kept the adrenaline pumping.

Now as the relationship has developed and the dust settles things become a little more routine. Without a change and some effort on your part then the routine becomes more prominent. Before you know it spontaneity has been replaced with the routine and the expected. The hunt is over and we’ve got the girl. That thrill is gone. So the guy’s thoughts on this were that as the routine set in and the initial phase of excitement dwindled, the routine became more and more apparent. It started to take over so to speak.

Their explanation of why this was bad was that the danger was gone. The risk and spontaneity were gone. There was no chance of being turned down for a date. Your clothes rotation was getting old and you’ve both seen everything else the other one wears. You start eating at the same restaurants and talking about the same things. You’ve done the surprise romantic thing and it’s getting harder and harder to come up with something to do that has some wow factor. The little habits that each of you has that you once considered cute are now becoming annoying. You’re much more comfortable with each other now so you are more likely to criticize and offend the other. The guy’s summarized all of this by saying that there was nothing left to conquer. The hunt, the conquest was over. This left them with an empty feeling about the relationship they were in.

Ever had a new puppy? It’s a tough business getting the best out of your dog so that you both enjoy and love each other. Building that bond of trust and trustworthiness needs work! Understanding puppies is much the same as understanding men.

If you let your new dog run free with no thought of discipline or training, there will be poop and puddles all over the house. He will be found humping anything available without a care in the world and he’ll run away without casting a glance over his shoulder. You’ll most probably fine him happily begging for food and attention in the nearest comfortable, inviting abode,

If you train your dog properly, he’ll learn where he can relieve himself and where he cannot. He will know that he can’t run around where and with whom he pleases. He will learn not to bite the hand that feeds him.

If you go about your training in the right way, with firmness but with plenty of rewards for good behaviour, your dog will become obedient, loving, loyal and your best friend.

The bond between owner and dog is one of trust. How can you cultivate this same trust between you and your man? What do you need to do to inspire mutual trust?

Here is a list of does and don’ts:

Don’t Be A Doormat

Don’t be a pushover. Let him know where you stand on issue such as slavery, infidelity, lies and being taken for granted. Make it clear, be firm but don’t go on and on endlessly about it. Just as you would with a dog, let your man know where your boundaries are.

Be Tender And Compassionate And Sometimes Display Tough Love

Be loving but never be scared to be tough when necessary. Never let your emotions interfere with your training. No matter how cute and cuddly he is…..he is still a dog.

Never, Ever, Tell Anyone A Secret Your Man Has Told You.

If your man finds out that you have told a secret, that he has shared with you, he will never fully trust you again. In fact, the relationship may well be doomed because it will not blossom into an open relationship where he will tell you everything. Don’t succumb to this act of betrayal

Never Contradict Or Embarrass Him in Public.

He might be acting like a jerk but he is your jerk and loyalty dictates that you don’t vent your criticism in public. If you belittle him, especially in front of his friends, he will resent and distrust you.

Never Use Things He Tells You Against Him

He will never trust and confide in you if he thinks it will ultimately become ammunition. Don’t do it.

Rein In On Erratic Emotions

Men just don’t understand wild emotional swings. Neither do dogs. Keep a lid on screaming, hysteria, and general outrageous emotional behaviour. Get yourself some Evening Primrose oil or something for those PMT times.

Sexual Trust

Consider indulging some of his sexual requests, unless they are too way out or painful. You will probably enjoy it anyway but sexual trust is a big bond builder. Sexual slave? No. Sexual trust? Yes.

Okay, bear in the mind the above rules, get a collar, a lead and a pocket of guy treats and go out and train yourself a man.

Of all the reasons that women have trouble in relationships with men, the biggest one is that women just plain don’t understand men. As a woman you are constantly getting advice on what men are thinking, what men “really” want and how to attract a man and keep him interested. The problem is that most of this advice comes from other women like your girlfriends, your mom or your coworkers. Unfortunately, as well intentioned as these women in your life are, they probably don’t have a much better understanding of men than you do!

Don’t worry - it’s not your fault that you don’t understand men. Everywhere you turn people are sending you mixed signals about what men really want. The media tells you one thing, your friends tell you another, and the relationship column in the latest issue of your favorite women’s magazine says another thing all together.

Men are no help either since they often send off mixed signals themselves. Part of the problem is that although they won’t admit it, most men don’t really even know what they want. Just like women, men are influenced by the media and by their friends so often times they think they know what they *should* want, but deep down they really don’t know just what it is that they need.

So with all these mixed messages and crossed signals, is there a secret to understanding men? For the most part men need the same things that women do. They need compassion, understanding, love, commitment and someone who will listen to them when they need it. They need time to themselves to do the things they enjoy without being talked to or constantly interrupted. Mostly they need a partner who will be with them through good times and bad and who loves them for who they are and who is willing to forgive them and try to understand when they screw up.

The part where it gets tricky is that men express their feelings and thoughts very differently than women. Even if a man is getting everything that he needs from a relationship he may not know how to show it. Not only that, but it is easy for women to get stuck in the trap of overanalyzing every little thing in a relationship. For instance, if a man is suddenly not talkative, a woman might spend the entire day trying to figure out what she did wrong to make him stop talking to her, when in fact the man just isn’t feeling talkative.

These basic differences with how men and women communicate are often the cause of misunderstandings and miscommunication in relationships that can eventually lead to problems. By gaining more insight into how men think and what they really want it can help to eliminate problems in your current relationship or help you to start a new relationship with a man that is built on trust, understanding and love.

Do you have trouble understanding men that you date? Can’t figure out why men seem distant and non-committal sometimes? You find that communicating with men is almost impossible sometimes, right? I’m sure you think that all men are from mars, too. Well, as a man myself, I can attest that we can be nuts, hard to figure out, and yes… surprise, maybe even a little afraid of making a commitment with a woman.

It doesn’t have to be so difficult, and there are approaches you can take with your man to fully understand where he’s coming from and how to make him more committed to you. One of the main reasons that you have such a hard time understanding men is the way that you communicate with each other.

Let’s consider this situation. You date a guy for a while and things are going great. You feel a connection with him, and you think that he feels the same way. You want to start bombarding him with your feelings about how crazy you are about him and how you want to become more committed to each other. The only problem is that you fear that this will scare him away. To be honest, you’re right. It very well could scare him away (if you do it wrong).

The fact is, the way you communicate with the man in your life is what will make or break your relationship. Learning to communicate with him in the right manner is vitally important if you want to have a successful, loving, and long lasting relationship.

I know it can be frustrating to try to understand why men change the way we act toward you as our relationship develops. At first, it seems that we are crazy about you. We’re giving you tons of attention, buying you flowers, taking you on great dates, and calling you every day. Then as time goes on, we start to seem less interested, maybe becoming a little distant. We no longer surprise you with gifts. You think we might even be cheating on you. You don’t understand what has happened between us and eventually your frustration builds up to the point where you blow up at us and let it all out.

It might be a big fight, or you are very emotional and crying, or complaining about the relationship. Whatever it may be, this comes off to the man as “too much drama”, and can possibly make things even worse and make a man more distant. We might think that you are an emotional wreck or “have issues” or something similar.

I understand that you have legitimate reasons to be angry and emotional, and realize that it’s not fair for men to think this way, but you have to realize that this is simply the way a man’s mind works.

So how do you avoid these issues in a relationship, communicate better with men, and create a long-lasting fulfilling relationship? Well, there are hundreds of aspects we can talk about, but let’s start with something very basic.

You need to understand exactly what’s going on inside a man’s mind. I’ll be honest with you. Men have no clue what your expectations are of us and our relationship. You need to communicate with us as time goes on exactly what you want out of our relationship. Otherwise, most guys will never bring up this topic, so it’s up to you. I know it sounds scary, but it’s best to get it out in the open. If you don’t, the man could string you along for months or years, and not really be serious about a committed relationship or marriage.

We’ll expand on this discussion later, but hopefully you can take some steps for understanding men better and learning why men are from mars and how to create a more successful and loving relationship.

When it comes to dating we hear a lot of talk about how men and women view the single scene so differently. For women it can be hard to decipher what a man’s actions mean and exactly what he is thinking at any given time. When it comes to understanding men and dating every woman would do well to keep a few simple things in mind. This helps when it comes to working your way through the maze that is a man’s thoughts.

Men love looking at other women. This is a given. It’s also a given that it tends to upset many women. If you are with a man and he blatantly stares at a pretty girl that walks by you may take that to mean that he’s more interested in her than he is in you. Men just look. It’s the way they are. The most unflattering reaction you can have in a situation like this is to express your jealousy or anger. The best thing you can do is point her out first by saying how pretty she is or what a great dress she is wearing. He’ll glance and you’ll smile as he does. He’ll be very impressed that you aren’t insecure in the presence of another woman.

Most men want nothing to do with relationship games including women who play too hard to get. We know that men love a woman who is mysterious and a little unreachable. You can accomplish this by simply not always being available when he asks you out. If you do it endlessly though he’s going to think you aren’t that interested in him. In order to really understand men and dating you have to realize that if a woman seems to always have plans that doesn’t include him, he’s eventually going to start making plans that don’t include her. Play hard to get, but do it in careful moderation. If you want to spend time with him, do it.

Looks aren’t always the main attraction for men. The way you look may initially attract a man to you, but it’s how you present yourself that really matters. Your personality needs to grab him. If this happens he’ll be enchanted and want to get to know you better. When it comes to understanding men and dating be aware that the things you say matter much more than the way you look. If you come across as pretentious or you appear uninterested, a man will move on to someone else. Be friendly, but don’t exaggerate anything about yourself. You never know when you are going to meet the man who is right for you and you want to be yourself right from the get go. Not a made up version of who you wish you were.

What special uniqueness, individuality or personality does the woman have that men find attractive and attract them like a magnet. And makes the men powerless in her hands and makes them want to spend their lives with her?

The obvious truth is that women tend to be attracted to certain personality traits and so simply, they congregate to the men who possess them.

Important Approach

-Smiling is a sign of acceptance. Men often need some signal that it is safe to approach a woman before they’re willing to a risk introducing them.
-Men often happen to meet a woman who listens with her eyes and looks at him while he is talking.
-An impressively decent woman makes most men think of her.

Your relationship consisted of big passionate moments; you might start to feel differently. The most important things in any loving relationship that men always want:

(1) Commitment.
(2) Communication.
(3) Compatibility.
(4) Cooperation.
(5) Sex.

Men love women that are smart, opinionated, and articulate. Most enjoy speaking to women who have their own point of view on subjects and are passionate in discussing affairs of the day. The willingness to explore other possibilities, new ideas, etc. is an attribute that men seek in the women they want to love. Being open-minded does not mean that one has to compromise one’s personal convictions, but rather is able to see another point of view and respect it, even if it is not one that you share.

Men feel affection for confident women. They also love women who aren’t scared to voice their opinions. A lot of women are brought up to believe that it’s polite or proper to always allow the man in our lives to make the dating decisions.

A man would want from his love is a nagging free woman. Such a virtue may be hard to find, but the truth is that he hates to be told what to do and what not to do.